The author reflects on how the diverse groups of friends across every chapter of her life—from childhood companions and running partners to professional peers—have uniquely provided love, shaped her confidence, and built the person and leader she is today, ultimately urging readers to put down their phones and cherish the powerful influence of true connection.
I’ll say it plainly: I am who I am because of my friends. Period. There are no two ways about it. No ifs, no buts, no questioning it.
Friendship has been everything to me. My friends have held my hand through every chapter, the giddy wins and the nights I didn’t think I’d get through. When I think of them, my eyes still fill up.
And yet we rarely give friendship the importance it deserves. Our parents may not always be with us. Our children build lives of their own. Our siblings are busy in their own worlds. The people with us, day after day, are our friends. Still, we say, “Oh, they’re just friends.”
Recently I heard Trevor Noah Foundation Trevor Noah on The Diary Of A CEO with @Steven Bartlett. He said he is very conscious of choosing his friends, because that is “actively choosing the people who are going to keep shaping me as I live my life.” That stayed with me. How our friends see us is who we become.
Where you can just be you
With friends, you are who you are. It’s that warm, comforting feeling where nobody judges you. It’s where you go to pour your heart out, to share your failures and downfalls without feeling small, and your victories without anyone thinking you’re boasting.
So instead of naming names, I want to thank my friends by tribe. Each of you reading this knows exactly which group you belong to.
My school friends
I am the luckiest person when it comes to friends. Some of my best friends today are friends I met in kindergarten, and a couple more in eighth grade. Even now, when something happens in my life, they are the first people I call. And there’s my friend I used to cycle to school with. Those rides together were half the fun of going to school.
Growing up at a convent school in India, I had an amazing gang of six/ seven friends. We couldn’t wait to go to school, not for the learning, but to see each other. Even the extended friends became part of the weave. They knew the little neighborhood shops we hung around, the streets we roamed and the temples, churches and mosques we ( almost;) visited. When we meet today, it still feels like home.
At home, I was the quiet, shy girl. At school, I was the opposite: talkative, a tomboy, a daredevil. One day a friend dared me to ring the school bell well before school closed, so I did. These were also the friends I got into trouble with. Some of our adventures landed us in the principal’s office every other week. That was the version of me I loved most.
Then one of my friends’ sisters, who is very dear to me, nominated me for school house captain. In my mind, I was not captain material. Honestly, even my friends knew I wasn’t! But they campaigned for me anyway. I thought, “If they believe in me, maybe I can do it.” That was my first leadership role, and it shaped the leader I am today.
The Stars
Within that school gang are The Stars, my closest of the close. We called ourselves the Seven Star Gang, which sounded far tougher than we ever were. You are my everything. You believed in me before I believed in myself, and you still do, decades later.
You didn’t come alone. You brought your families, and they became mine. Your homes were always open to me, and your tables always had a place for me. You and your parents taught me to be generous. You taught me to be stylish. You showed me the value of hard work, and that faith can be woven into everyday life. Most of all, you taught me that friendship can be even bigger than family.
When one of your parents separated, I watched you and your sisters grow only stronger and more resilient. You taught me that even through the toughest times, you hold each other up and keep moving forward.
I didn’t grow up with one set of parents. I grew up with six ( stealing this line from my friend) That meant six moms feeding me, and six sets of parents who could tell me off. Whatever good you see in me, the BIGGEST piece of it belongs to you, my Stars, and to the families who raised us together.
MBA and my street friends
Next came my MBA, where I met amazing people I still meet today. It’s a different kind of friendship, and just as special. One of them had his own exam the next day, yet he spent the night before teaching us, because he felt we needed it more than he did. Sharing one soup divided by 3 people as we did not have enough pocket money to eat at amazing restaurants:)
Then there are my street friends, still some of my closest. I can pick up the phone and we start right where we left off. However long it’s been, it feels like yesterday.
We used to walk each other home, back and forth, until it was a miracle any of us made it home at all. No gadgets, just a weekend movie on TV. Just pure friendship, and whole nights studying together during exams.
Every birthday was a tradition. Mine is the last day of the year. After a whole day at my house, we’d skip the big party at a friend’s clubhouse and ring in the New Year by ourselves, watching Michael Jackson’s Thriller or singing the old Hindi songs our parents loved. We still sing them when we get together, and our hearts fill with love.
These friendships molded me. Most of my confidence, I owe to them.
The Alpha Group
When I first came to this country, you were my first home away from home. I saw America through countless outings with you. My first snow, my first of almost everything, I experienced with you by my side. You helped a new immigrant find her feet and made a strange place feel like mine. Even today, I consider you my family here.
The Asha Runners
Through the Asha for Education – Silicon Valley Chapter Education community, I found another amazing set of ( 100 🙂 ) friends. For 14 years now, we have run together, shared stories and laughed together. We are bonded by one thought: we all want to give back.
I used to think it was hard to make close friends after 40 or 50. I was wrong. You shaped my habits and my values just by being around me. Mile after mile, you pushed me to keep going, even if some of those miles were mostly talking.
BG (Bakwaas Gang)
Born out of the Asha Runners, you became my close, close circle. We encourage each other every single day. You taught me to laugh at almost nothing and to take life lightly. You walk into my house whether I’m home or not, and your homes are just as open to me. Some days I honestly can’t tell whose house is whose.
We even have a no-exit policy: once you’re in, you’re in for life. Not that anyone has ever tried to leave. Nobody would dare. This bond is never going to fall apart. You show up in a crisis, often before I even ask, and you lift the load when life gets heavy. Together, we built something bigger than ourselves, the Give Her Voice Foundation.
My business and community friends
You’d think business friends are there for a reason, to make money and compete with each other. Again, I was wrong. Whether you’re a fellow business owner, a friend from my community work or someone I do business with, it’s always “How can I help you?” Some of the people I started out doing business with have become true friends.
We support each other instead of competing. You open doors, make introductions and share opportunities. You prove that when one of us rises, we all rise.
You tell me the truth when nobody else will. You celebrate my wins without a trace of envy. And you taught me something I still struggle with: that I can say no. I say yes to everything, that’s who I am. Need a speaker, a volunteer or a ride to the airport? You already know whose number to call. You give me permission to protect my time and energy.
One of you, especially, pushed me to take on leadership roles again. You believed in me, and to this day I’m not sure why, but you did. Because of you, I now sit on the boards of some of these very communities.
To all of you
You pushed me to take risks, cheered the loudest when I won and stood by me when I fell. Real friendship isn’t measured in the good times. It’s measured in who stays close when things aren’t so good, and you always stayed. When times got really tough for any one of us, we were there for each other, and those hard days brought us closer than anything else. This is more than family.
Put your phone down
We are born to our parents, but we are shaped by our friends.
To anyone who feels lonely and spends a lot of time alone: you are missing out.
We need this now more than ever. Please put your phones down and spend time with each other. Look around at who you spend your time with, because they are quietly shaping who you become.
So to every one of my friends, and you know who you are: thank you. For every phone call, every hug, every time you showed up without being asked. I carry you with me in everything I do. I love you, always.
You are who you are with. Choose well, and cherish them.
Source: LinkedIn
